Denied sex for six years

Hajj Ashraf, I’m Barbara 40 years. A professional teacher and a house wife. Currently am big in one of the ministry. I’m married to Keith 49 years, with children. He is a veterinary doctor. Keith retired from government early and settled in his businesses. He is managing a successful poultry, and a cattle farm, plus a wholesale shop for animal drugs. Our home is located in one of the suburbs of Kampala. Tulina amaka agegombesa buli omu.

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Keith’s parents are just 2km away from ours. He is a lucky man who has both his parents still living. It is a family of the Nobles (Baabitiibwa). They command real respect. Keith is their oldest son. Like his parents, he too  commands respect.

Keith has four siblings. Three girls and one boy. The boy Reagan is their last born. It is a family of very bright members.

When Reagan finished HSC, he passed well to enter University on government sponsorship. He was given University hall (UH) as his hall of residence. However most of the time he was staying with us. Era engugu ye mukifo kyogitwala mu University hall, yajiteeka wafe. There was enough accommodation in our home. Ate nga mulenzi muwulize, nga emirimu jawaka ajikola bulunji. So I had no problem staying with him.

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You know Keith doesn’t want house helpers. Our home moto is; “Lets do it ourselves. Its our home.” Awo wettutambuliza obufumbo bwaffe, for this long.

Reagan stayed with us for his first semester, and we had no problem. At compass he was also performing well. However he was falling sick on several occasions. It was fever and cough on and off.

I decided to take him for a general medical check up. Tests were done on him and he (Reagan) was found HIV+. I really felt very bad for the boy my Mulamu. I talked to one of my OGs at the Aids research centre.

Ono yamubuulirira era natandika okumira edagala ARVs. Reagan requested me to keep it a secret between me and him. Non of his family members should know about it. I promised and kept my word.

When Reagan’s 2nd semester begun, Keith started agitating that the boy should go to his hall of residence. Nze no ssaakisiima nga ntya nti bakadde ba Keith bajja kulowooza nti saagala bantu wange. And the mere fact that he was on ARVs, he wanted some care and good diet

One evening when we were dinning, Keith ordered Reagan to go to his hall of residence. I didn’t say anything, Naye nalaba nga Reagan kimuyisiza bubi nnyo, kuba yasangula namaziga.

The following day Reagan called me when I was in office and emotionally asked that; “MULAMU OKIMANYI NDIMULWADE. NAYE OMPADEYO NGENDE NFIIRE MU HALL?. NAKUKOLAKI NKWETONDERE OLEME KUNGOBA WAKA?. MU HALL SAAGALAYO”. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t her idea but its Keith who wanted him to leave.

That evening I talked to Keith. Nemubuulira ne Reagan bweyangambye nti mu hall tayagalayo. The man insisted to the extent that, he was ready to pay for any hostel Reagan wanted if he doesn’t want to stay in the hall of residence. But he must leave.

I talked to Keith’s parents. Surprisingly they were in support of their son Keith. They also wanted Reagan to stay in his hall of residence or hostel. From there I gave up the idea. What hurt me was, Reagan believed that I wanted him out because he was HIV+. It was like I had betrayed him, to reveal his secret to Keith. Hajj nga Keith mukambwe nnyo mukugoba muganda we awaka. Nga alinga alina ekimusindika.

It was a Friday, Reagan woke up very early to prepare breakfast for us. He was in a jovial mood. He prepared milk tea, heavy passion juice, fried eggs with bread. As we were having our meal, Reagan announced that he will be leaving that Sunday. So he had decided to be in charge of preparing our meals for the remaining 2 days with us.

Keith smiled and gave him enough money to buy the food he wanted to cook for us. Reagan was a very good cook. In fact it was another reason why liked him.

Reagan yankuutira nnyo nkomewo for lunch. Keith was going to the farm so he couldn’t make it back. I had a meeting at 2.30pm, Era nange namukuutira lunch ebeere ready by 12.30pm.

At 12.45pm, I was home for my promised lunch. I called him to start preparing as I left office  Haaa Hajj, omwana yali afumbye enju yona nga ewunya akawoowo, it was very appetizing. It was Rice (pilao), Matooke, boiled Irish, chapati, with chicken stew, gnuts, and greens. Ka juice kaali ka cocktail nga kasufu nnyo. I really enjoyed the meal.

After the meal I felt dizzy. Nensalawo newunzikemu, for 30 minutes. After which, I drive back for the meeting. It was  01.25pm. I requested Reagan to wake me up at 2.00pm.

Hajj Ashraf, NAGENDA OKUZUKUKA NGA NGA SSETEGEERA BULUNJI, I was very, tired. My pants had been tampered with. Empale yange nga nseseetule mpaka wakati mubisambi. When I checked myself. There was no doubt, somebody had raped me.

I remembered that I have a meeting at 2’30pm, but when I checked the time it was 6.35. There was a bottle of Napoleon whisky on the small table with a glass, beside the bed. Somebody was washing in my bathroom. Wano najukira buli kimu ekyabadde wo.  Hajj, omulenzi Reagan omulwade wa slim, had sedated and raped me. YALI ANKOZESEZA. How could Reagan do this to me. And he was cleaning up in my washroom?.

Without giving it a second thought I rushed to the kitchen, picked a long sharp  knife and charged to kill……..

“Hajj Ashraf, as I passed the door to the living room, it was open and Reagan was seated in one of the big sofa with his parked bags before him. He looked scared, but composed. I totally got confused. Was it Keith who had sex with me in that state?. I threw the knife away and went to confront him(Keith). Nga Hajj obusungu bunzitta. Moreover I had missed an important meeting.

In the bedroom Keith had finished washing, and drying himself up. Before I could say anything, he started. “Hunny that was a bit too much. You wanted to dodge me, you know it was our day”. Omanyi Hajj twali twakiteekateeka buli Friday and Tuesdays, that is when we made love.

I confronted him immediately in a question that, ‘SO KEITH YOU DECIDED TO RAPE ME BECAUSE IT WAS OUR DAY?. HOW COULD YOU?. Keith looked very confused and innocent. Pointing at himself he asked; “EEE, BARBARA WHAT?, ME KEITH TO RAPE YOU?. NO PLEASE. THAT WAS A VERY BAD DREAM. Nze okwata mukyala wange nga gwebagenda okutwala enkya. Barbara ssikisobola. And I told you to stop taking that Napoleon whisky, omutwe gwo tegumusobola.” Omwami wange nali mumanyi bwaba nga alimba. This time he was serious. Yali tanimba.

I hadn’t taken any whisky tho I was smelling it. The Napoleon bottle and glass on the small table had proved more to Keith that I was drunk.

Hajj Ashraf, Reagan was clever to prepare the whole scene to appear like I had taken a lot of whisky when in actual fact he had sedated me.

To my surprise Keith was preparing for work, it was morning!!!. HAJJ ASHRAF IT WAS 6.45am not 6.45pm. NALI NEBASE OKUVA ESAAWA 8 EZEMISANA MPAKA 12.30 EZOKUMAKYA. There was no doubt Reagan yali ankute. The boy had raped.

I thought of going and attack him in the living room and I saw it stupid. I had to save my life first. Nali nkyaali mu nyanja ye’birowoozo, Keith broke the silence, that, “MULAMU WO REAGAN YAKAKANYE, NAKKIRIZA OKUGENDA MU HALL. IN FACT HE WANTED TO GO LAST NIGHT NE MUGAANA. LET ME DROP HIM FIRST BEFORE I PROCEED FOR WORK”.

Reagan yali mubi nnyo, yandikoze ekirala kyona naye natambonereza atyo. In any case I wasn’t the one who was pushing him out of our home. I had really stood for him!!!.

It was time for Keith to go. With a smile he promised to take me out that evening. That I will have to compensate the lost day. That night we were going to make love. Ne meeme yantyemuka nga mulaba mood ajiyingide ku makya. He left. I didn’t want to look at the boy anymore. Okujako nga mufu. He didn’t even bother to say bye to me, proving his guilt.

Immediately I called my OG at the AIDS research centre to tell my ordeal. She also acted so fast. She requested me to go to Mengo former Butikiro house for PEP. She also told me to go with my urine sample.

I prepared myself and rushed to the clinic. Everything was done and the lab tests proved that somebody had sex with me. Omulenzi yali ankozeseza.

My friend advised me in the meantime to use condoms with Keith as they monitor my status for six months. I was imagining how to buy the condoms, when she pulled out a small box and gave it to me. Nalabiriza nokulabiriza nga nziteeka munsawo nga ndaba nga aswaala.

Meanwhile as usual, Keith kept on texting me to set me into mood. I also excitedly text back, but also worried how I was going to introduce condoms to him.

After our evening at Grand imperial bar with Ssenkebejje band. We rushed home. Hajj, omusajja yanesungaaaaa!!!!. As if we had spent a year without it.

Having had our supper at the hotel we moved straight to the bed room to freshen up. Hajj there we were at foreplay. It was lovely for Keith but my heart was pumping heavily. Akapiira nga nkafunyidde mu kyikonde ekya dyo.

I was at crossroads. To save my marriage, or save my husband in case I had contracted the disease. I resolved to save him. Nasaba Mukama ampe obuvumu. Era neneevaamu nemusaba that; ‘HUNNY LETS USE CONDOMS’.

Haaaa, Hajj Ashraf, the way Keith jumped off me, was like I had pinched him with a pin. Yambuuza mukutya okwekitalo nti; “BARBARA OGAMBYE KI?. SINCE WHEN?.” I begged him. Nanziramu nti ye tamanyi nakuzikozesa. He tried to force himself on me. But I managed to escape from him and ran to the guest room. I locked myself inside. Keith repeatedly knocked the door and started crying like a baby. That; “Barbara ani eyagambye, nti nayenze. Mukwano amazima ssinakikola. I can’t cheat on you munangeee, I’m ready to go for an HIV test”.

Twasirikirira mu akaseera. He then ran to the bed room and locked himself inside. I was scared a bit, that he might try something silly. I opened the guest room , ran to our bed room door and  begged him to open. He was quiet and not opening. I got worried.

Then I had him calling his mom. You know, old as he was Keith was Mummy’s boy. Keith was telling his mom almost everything. I begged him to stop, but he wasn’t paying heed. Hajj I was really embarrassed and begged him to open.

He stopped and I heard my phone ringing. I knew his mom was calling. Namusaba anzigulire nkwate esimu, naye Keith yagaana.

We went silent for almost 30min. It was approaching midnight. There was a car at the gate, I knew it was Keith’s mom. Because kubikwatagana ne mutabani we nga asitukiramu.

As soon as he entered the house, Keith as if mad. Yagamba nyina; “Mummy wuyo Barbara akubuulire, nze binemye, ssibitegeera”. He was just moving around the leaving room, uncontrollably.

I was about to say something when his phone rang. He went for it. From his facial expression, there was something wrong. Kirabika waliwo amawulire amabi.

Maama yamubuuza ogubadde. And it was very bad news. REAGAN HAD COMMITTED SUICIDE. AND THE BODY WAS AT MULAGO MORTUARY.

Waliwo okukyankalana, era ebyaffe twabivaako. I had to handle mom. She almost went crazy it was a very sad moment and double jeopardy for her.

We rashed to the family home. As he was driving, Keith lamented that; “IT WAS MY MISTAKE. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT REAGAN WAS SUCH PASSIONATE ABOUT STAYING WITH US. YAKAABYE OKUVA AWAKA MPAKA KU HALL”.

At their home already Nzee taata and the family members were aware of the tragedy. It was a very sad moment. In the morning Kieth went for the body. We burried that very day in Mukono.

Keith stayed at his parents for over 2 months. It was after the intervention of his father that he came back home. But for me it was ok because I was still buying time to complete the incubation period for HIV. I was being tested every month to see whether I was positive.

I was lucky he never touched me during the period. Nga manyi enaku ya muganda we ye’muluma.

Six months passed and I was negative. I started making moves demanding for my conjugal right. But Keith wasn’t coming. And he was behaving normally outside bed room.

Until one day, I went confrontation. I demanded to know why he was denying me sex. Keith pulled out a note in the envelope. It was written by Reagan before he took his life. That,

“I’M VERY SORRY MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY. I’VE TAKEN MY LIFE BECAUSE MY HIV STATUS IS POSITIVE. I’VE BEEN REJECTED BY EVERYBODY. I’M A NO BODY. BARBARA PLEASE FIND SPACE IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME. I’VE HAD SEX WITH YOU. GO FOR TREATMENT.”

YOURS DEAD.

REAGAN.

Hajj onwana yali anzisse, because he didn’t mention anything about rape. It was as if the act had my consent. There was no way I could convince Keith that Reagan raped me. I tried to talk to Keith for 2 years telling him the whole truth. Naye kyagaana okuyingira mu bwongo bwe.

Keith completely lost interest in me. Munange nebwagezaako byagaana. Outside he didn’t change, buli kimu kiringa bwekyaali. Abantu batwegomba era tubuliride abantu mu maka banji nebatereera. In church we are always the example. And I’ve not heard of any woman that Keith goes out with.

Hajj its now Six years in an apparent happy home WITHOUT SEX. ATE NANGE BULI MUSAJJA MULABA NGA REAGAN.

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Chris Kato

Uganda Today is a source of analytical, hard and entertaining news for audiences of all categories in Uganda and internationally. Uganda Today cut its teeth in Ugandan media industry with its print copies hitting the streets in October 2014. We are heavily indebted to all our publics and stakeholders who support our cause in one way or the other. To comment on our stories, or share any news or pertinent information, please follow us on: Facebook: Uganda Today Twitter: @ugtodaynews WhatsApp:+256 702 239 337 Email: ugandatodayedition@gmail.com Website: https://www.ugandatoday.co.ug

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