In hell for hours

Jim 40 years, has been happily married to Mary for 10 years with two kids. He is a graduate working with the tax authority. Mary is also a graduate, house wife and a famer. She is managing their successful poultry farm of over 5000 birds. Both eza majji neze nyama. Generally they have a very successful and happy familly located in Nansana.

Sometime back mary got pregnant. Coincidentally Joan a mistress for Jim also conceived. Mary attended antenatal clinics from Mulago hospital private wing. While Joan attended from Dr May on Buganda rd.

Mary and Joan didn’t know each other. Tho Joan the mistress knew very well that Jim was a married man. Jim was renting a house for Joan in Ntinda.

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“Hajj Ashraf, on that fateful day, it so happened that Mary and Joan were to see their doctors. That is in Mulago and on Buganda rd respectively. It was my duty to drive the two to their respective doctors.

On that day, I unusually woke up very early to avoid the jam. By 6.30am we were already on our way to Mulago. At around Nakulabye from Nansana, Joan called. I saw the caller and I quickly answered that; ‘John continue with the meeting, I’m taking my wife to hospital. I will be joining you soon.’ I hung up before putting the phone into silent mode.

Mary was surprised and lamented that: “Eeeee leero nga office bajjigude kumakya bulala”. I realized the mistake. Naye nembibuzaabuza.

At Mulago very few minutes past 7.00am, Mary was the first on the waiting bench of the private wing. Meanwhile Joan was very busy on the phone calling, I cud see it flashing. Naye nga ssisobola kujikwata mu maaso ga pokice. Awo nga okupapa kwendiko. I even started sweating in the morning.

I gave Mary the money and wished her a nice day, we were to meet home in the evening. Immediately I left Mulago for Ntinda, I called Joan and apologized for not picking that I was driving passing police. But I was on my way coming.

At Ntinda, I lied to Joan that, looking at the caller, I mistook Joan to be John my assistant, MBU YE SONGA LWAKI NAMUDAMU NGA AYOGERA NE JOHN. She was conviced. I found her well prepared and drove to Buganda road straight. I then crossed to my work station at Nakawa.”

Meanwhile after examining Joan, Dr May referred her to Mulago for a CT scan. She didn’t bother to call me but picked a special hire to Mulago. Hajj Ashraf Katonda nga bwatagwa kukola byeewunyo. By coincidence even Mary’s Doctor had referred her to the same person for a similar  examination.

Mary and Joan ended up sitting in the same room waiting for the examination. Omanyi Joan mwogezi yogezi. Ate ayanguwa okumanyiira. Era yeyatandika Mary. That; Nsanyuse okulaba mukyala munange. Joan went on to tell her that it was her first pregnancy. That; Taata wo lubuto ye Jim working with  URA. But he is married. Naye bambi ekyikazi kimubonyaabonya. Oluusi kimuma ne mere!!.

When she mentioned that name JIM, moreover working in URA, Mary EYALI ASIRISSE NGA OMUKAZI YETYOTYOGOLA NAKYUKA. She started giving her attention and responding to her conversation. Mary wanted to find out wether Joan was referring to his very Jim. She offered to help her to have a normal delivery. That for her (Mary), Alina akabumbwa olukanywako nga omwana yesowolayo without pain.

Joan got exited and offered Mary lunch after the examination. We used to eat and spend our evenings at Fair way hotel. So after their examinations at Mulago they went back to Dr May on Buganda rd.

Lunch time was approaching as they moved to Fairway hotel. Lunch was served to them. This is when, Joan called me, NALYOKA ANGAMBA NTI MUNANGE JIM NDI WANO NE MUKWANO GWANGE NJAGALA OMULABEKO. OKIMANYI NTI ALINA AKABUMBWA BWOKANYWA OZAALA BUZAAZI WITHOUT PAIN. We are here at Fairway hotel having lunch. MBADDE NJAGALA OMULABEKO BAMBI. Bwoba tofaayo bambi tumufunireyo emitwalo nga 30 nakabumbwa, akatufunire. I accepted to meet them immediately after office.


Joan went on to tell Mary that, Omanyi before Jim rented for me that house in Ntinda, we used to come here and eat our things. Naye banange oba mukazi we amugamba atya. Sometimes he could go back after midnight. Nze nandeka wano mu hotel. And very early in the morning after 6.00am, nga abeera yatuuse dda wano. Era we could have break first together.

I called Mary, to inquire whether he reached home safely. I told her that I will delay to come home. That; NGENDAKO WA MAAMA E GAYAZA AMPISE. MARY YANZIRAMU MU LOVE EMPITIVU. THAT; safe journey hunny. A lovely evening with mummy. I love you mwaaa!!!.

Ebyadala Hajj Ashraf naseka nokuseka. Mary to send that MWAAAAA kiss. It was laughable. Yes we loved each other much. Naye nga such actions twabivaako ddaaaaa.

After work I drove straight to Fairway hotel. I was delayed a bit by jam to reach the hotel past 6.00pm. I parked and called Joan, BAJJE TUGENDE.

As I waited for them to come, I reached my news paper, Nentanka okusoma. When they came hajj ashraf, I didn’t bother to look at them but, I pressed the central lock to open for them. ERA NGA ABAAMI ABOLUNKULU BWEBAKOLA SSATUNULAYO. But continued to read my news paper.

Mary sat at the back. It was a big car a Prado. Joan in the co-driver’s seat gave me a peck, before introducing her friend that; JIM MUNANGE SSISINKANA MUKWANO GWANGE. Looking at the back, Hajjiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…

“Hajj Ashraf, BANANGEEEEE, EKYEKANGO TEKIMANYA MUZIRA. But when I looked in the back seat and saw Mary (my wife), whom I thought was at home I remained confused. Oba nkugambe kyi, but I was half dead. Hajj nafaako ekitundu. Joan continued BAMBI MUBUUZEKO.

Mary extended her left arm to greet me. Okumbuzisa omukono ogwa kono, was the first sign to show me that I had entered hell. She was like a cobra ready to attack with a litter of killer venom. Her jaws were shaking, I could see the rage in her eyes. I wanted to ran but there were so many people around. I was going to  look very funny in my suite. And what if Mary decided to chase me. The scene would have been very ugly. I would have been the headline of the morning papers. Hajj Nasalawo nkafiiremu. At least if I had seen them before they sat in the car, AWO NALI NTEMA.

Here I was, thrown in hell. Enaku zange ezobwenzi zaali ziwedeko. The Angeles responsible to carry the sinners into hell fire had done their job. Just in seconds I was wet with sweat. I saw Mary restraining herself, but ready to attack. As I was thinking on my next move, Joan reminded me that; “Dad tugende”. It was like waking up from a bad dream.

I started the car without pressing the safety pin intentionally. It couldn’t start, stupidly I complained of the tyre that; “OBA OMUPIIRA TEMULI MUKA”. I wanted to get out and ran into the hotel. Mary saw my plan and acted very fast to get out that; “KANKULABIREKO BAMBI TOFULUMA SEBO”. She got out and went around up to my door. “HAJJ OKUMANYA NATUYANA NAGENDA OKUWULIRA NGA NE STOCKS ZITOBYE”.

Joan chipped in complaining about my sweating that; “YE DARLING NGA OTUYANA NNYO, SSIMANYI PRESSURE YO ERINYE?”. Mary who was standing steady at my door, continued that; “Oooh Bambi alina ne presure, kale nina na’kabumbwa ka pressure.”

Joan continued that; Do you know darling remove the court omanyi nayo ekuletedde ebugumu.

This is when Mary opened the driver’s door. “OKUMANYA HAJJ NEKANGA, I GASSED”. It was like, the Angel of death had opened the gate of hell to throw in the dirty soul.

Mary calmly requested me to seat in the back seat and relax. Teyanzikiriza kufuluma motoka, but I squeezed myself between the driver and the co-driver’s seats. She knew I was planning to escape. Mary requested Joan to help me start the car. Mbu ye (Mary) yali makanika era ebye motoka yali abimanyi bulunji. Joan proudly accepted.

Mary knew this car very well, and she new where the safety pin was. Okumanya Mary yanzanyira kubwongo, yandabula mu magezi agekitalo. She faked a phone call and pretended as if she was calling her home, that; “Hallo Muyanja mutabani wa Kiraalire bwaba aze mumulabule nti kageza nakola ekyobusiru kyona njja mukubira enduulu”. Kiraaliere is my father. She started the car and drove to Ntinda, Omukazi yavuga speed nga nekyokubuukamu ssikisobola. The talkative Joan continued to hit me with a 6 inch nail that; “Ye musajja watu lwaki pressure telinye. Ekyikazi nga kimubonyaabonya.” Olumu tekimuwa na mare. By the way dady the fish you brought yesterday, is there. Katugende nkubugumirizeko, omale okulya bambi.


We met jam around Kamwokya which delayed us a bit. It was already dark. At her gate Joan got out to open the gate as she paused that; “Gano amaka tupangisa bwetugagula ku kibanja mpola.”

Those seconds I spent with Mary in the car, ZEZIKYASINZE OKUBA ENZIBU MUBULAMU BWANGE.

We remained two in the car. When Joan disappeared into the small gate, Mary yampita nti Mwami wange. Because of the loving tone in her voice I responded humbly nga bwensebeza omutwe gwange okumpi naye, openly surrendering my face to her. HAJJ OMUKAZZI YANSABULA OLUYI, NENDABA N’EMUNYEENYE. It was a slap directed into the centre of the face. Making it the slap of that year. Before I could come to terms with it, Joan opened the gate.

Joan warmly welcomed us into the house. Bana nge, Kumpi nga buli wamu waliwo ekifananyi kyange ne Joan. Immediately she brought the Album and haaaaaa banange. On the beaches, in several hotels, every where nga twaatukayo. Mary could even come near me questioning, “WANO MWALIRIDAWA” nga bwansidika nolugalo nobusungu. But doing it very careful for Joan never to notice. Nze nkugambye nga ntudde mu geyena yenyini.

Then Joan invited Mary to her bed room. Darling don’t mind, “KATUKULEKEKO AWO TULINA KETUTEESAAMU KAFFE KABAKYAALA.” Up to today I don’t know what Mary saw or heard from the bed room, because she came out completely  heart  broken. Ate nga yona jetwali tuvudde yali mugumu nnyo. She came out of the bed room first. But shedding tears. Yangamba nobujijji (rage) nti, “OGENDA KUNDABA KISAJJA GWE”.

Wano weyankubira ne’bisumuluzo bye motoka byeyali awambye. She composed herself, nasiibula. Joan asked for the 300,000/-, eza akabumbwa. Of course I knew the Kabumbwa wasn’t there. Naye eriiso Mary lyeyankuba sente nazijayo ku speed.

Tears continued to roll down her face. Until Joan tried to counsel her that, “Mukwano tofaayo, omwami mugambe, ayinza okuba nga takimanyi”. I wanted to inquire about it, but it was a very silly move like  pouring petrol into burning fire.

Immediately Mary received the money. She went out. Awo nagamba mangu Joan nti Kamutwaleko. I followed her. Thru the small gate Mary went out. The maid opened for me and I tried to follow her. I pleaded with her to enter the car but she refused.

She boarded a bodaboda and I followed them, “Naye nga mulaba akaaba”. At Wandegeya ku bitaala bandeka. I drove slowly thinking what I was going to do to come out of the mess. I wanted to go at my mom and request her to mediate but I didn’t want to antagonize their friendship. Maama yali ayagala nnyo Mary. I don’t think she (mom) would’ve entertained that nonsense. I decided to go home and face it alone as a man.

At home as usual the girls were happy to see me. The mess I was involved in had made me forget their ice cream. Mary was already at home. She behaved normally. Omanyi nga ne bwoba okozeeki, Mary nga tayombera mu baana.

She will wait for you mukafunda in the bed room. Awo ne mukafiiramu. I avoided the bed room as much as possible. Nazanya na’baana nebintama nokuntama. She greeted, and gave me tea. As if nothing had happened.

Time came for bathing, yampita ngende naabe. To avoid the bed room, I crossed to the children washroom. Mary calmly brought the towel my soap and the night wear.

After washing I went back to the living room. We ate supper normally. Mpozi yambuzaako nti emirimu  jibadde jitya. I don’t even remember wether I answered back.

It was time for sleep, but not in the bedroom. Nga ssiyinza kuyingira mu nyumba ya mpologoma nga ndaba. Moreover to meet an angry lion. I decided to sleep in the living room.

Naye otulo twagaana. Deep in the night I heard the door of our bed room opening. I faked sleep but seated in the sofa. Mary walked into the living room. I heard her talking to herself that, “BAMBI MUSAJJA WATU”. Nawulira nga gwebawadde e Janah.

I continued snoring. She came and knelt before me resting her head on my laps for something like 5 minutes. She started caressing my chest. Awo wenyini wenalayirira obutaddamu bwenzi. She gently woke me up.


Naye hajj NKUBUULIRE, there is nothing that breaks a woman’s heart like a mans tear. Awo nange nakaabayo ku buziga obutonotono. Mary grabbed me to her chest and kissed me for oba how long. What happened next is for above 18.

Naye Hajj I dont know what Mary told Joan. Omukazi yankyawa. Kutuuka kwagala kumpitira police if I ever stepped in her home. She gave me a son. But we don’t see each other.

That is my story munange Hajj Ashraf.



Toyota Vigo

Chris Kato

Uganda Today is a source of analytical, hard and entertaining news for audiences of all categories in Uganda and internationally. Uganda Today cut its teeth in Ugandan media industry with its print copies hitting the streets in October 2014. We are heavily indebted to all our publics and stakeholders who support our cause in one way or the other. To comment on our stories, or share any news or pertinent information, please follow us on: Facebook: Uganda Today Twitter: @ugtodaynews WhatsApp:+256 702 239 337 Email: Website:

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