Uganda’s Booming Black Market: Brain, Integrity, and Conscience for Sale – UGX. 100M Only
The buyer isn’t looking for brilliance or moral uprightness. He only needs just enough to buy silence, kill dissent, and rubber-stamp whatever policy is snuck through Parliament under cover of darkness. Whether you’re a village-trained Senior Six graduate or a polished professor with degrees that read like a Wi-Fi password, you all fetch the same rate—UGX. 100 million.
Uganda Today Edition: Uganda’s Booming Black Market: Brain, Integrity, and Conscience for Sale – UGX. 100M Only!
By EJIKU Justine
Special Feature | Uganda Today
Gone are the days when Uganda prided itself on exporting coffee, cotton, and tobacco. Those were the glorious days—when value addition meant roasting beans or spinning cotton. Today, the nation’s most lucrative commodities have evolved. The hottest items on Uganda’s underground trade shelf? Brain, Integrity, and Conscience.
But before you rush to invest, be warned—this isn’t your everyday free market. This is Uganda’s own twisted monopoly. No competition. No innovation. Just one buyer. The market is flooded with supply: brains, integrity, and conscience are everywhere. But demand? Tragically low.
The buyer isn’t looking for brilliance or moral uprightness. He only needs just enough to buy silence, kill dissent, and rubber-stamp whatever policy is snuck through Parliament under cover of darkness. Whether you’re a village-trained Senior Six graduate or a polished professor with degrees that read like a Wi-Fi password, you all fetch the same rate—UGX. 100 million.
This alarming market trend recently resurfaced when Members of Parliament—dubbed “Horrible Members” in online satire—were each handed UGX. 100 million. Not to support agriculture, not for infrastructure, but as a “thank you” for passing a controversial bill that many say reeks of burnt ethics. Hidden in this shady transaction was a silent clause: endorse the next power grab—military courts trying civilians. A direct slap in the face of Uganda’s Constitution.
The true target? Dr. Kizza Besigye—the man they can’t buy, bow, or break. Since he can’t be silenced, the plan is simple: buy everyone else to neutralize him.
Parliament of Shadows
These transactions don’t occur in daylight. No. They’re tucked away in the dark corners of the August House, after-hours and out of sight. Because, as unwritten parliamentary policy now dictates, “brains must not be sold sober.”
Deals are struck under the influence—alcohol fog, cigarette haze, and… other extracurricular distractions. No wonder billions are now needed to “educate” MPs on how to use condoms—these are, after all, Uganda’s moral gatekeepers.
Let’s pause for a moment.
How is the integrity of an “Honourable” Member—one who cruises in a convoy of fuel-guzzling V8s with blaring sirens—reduced to UGX. 100 million? That’s the equivalent of money meant for Karamoja’s iron sheets, or goats meant for starving communities. Is this what “honour” now looks like? A polished face, loud motorcade, and a belly full of taxpayer-fed goat meat?
Artificial Integrity in a Real Crisis
The brain trade is booming—coffee bill here, military court bill there. Every item sold off to satisfy a buyer’s political appetite. While other nations draft 100-year development plans, Uganda is funding brain-shopping sprees and condom workshops. While the world invests in artificial intelligence, Uganda is exporting artificial integrity.
And the worst part? This market is unsustainable. There’s no foreign demand. Who’d import a product that collapses at the mere mention of accountability? Even Trump’s tariffs couldn’t destroy this trade more than the truth already has.
Locally, the buyer only appears when a vote must be passed, a voice silenced, or a political storm weathered. What happens when Besigye is no longer a threat? Who’ll justify these purchases?
The Young Generation: Uganda’s Last Economists
But all is not lost. There’s one group that can crash this corrupt economy: the youth. Uganda’s final hope. The next economists of the ballot box.
Let 2026 be the year we impose electoral tariffs—so high that this black market collapses. Let every vote be a tax on corruption, a levy on betrayal, a fine for dishonour. Refuse the sugar, rice, and t-shirts. Deny them the power to trade conscience for currency.
Let their expensive suits be reduced to costumes at funerals. Let their sirens fall silent. Let the chambers of Parliament be vacated by these belly-heavy merchants of shame.
By 2026, let the market be dry. Let the buyer roam with cash-filled bags and no seller left to bribe.
To those who read this and feel the sting—good. The truth has landed where it must.
“If your cheeks are burning, it’s not the sun—it’s the fire of truth.”
Uganda will not be sold forever.
📍For more hard-hitting features and political analysis, stay tuned to www.ugandatoday.co.ug
#BrainForSale #IntegrityCrisis #UgandaPolitics #2026BallotEconomy
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